Talking to Women about Videogames: The Album

by Jonathan Holmes, Various Artists

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about

www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7GRabE9NNg&feature=fvsr

28 regular tracks, 6 hidden bonus tracks, an album that will "define a generation"- Peter "Spider-Man" Parker, The Daily Bugel.

credits

released 26 December 2011

tags

license

all rights reserved

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Track Name: Talking to Women about Videogames (full length XXX mix)
I know who you want to
I know who you want me to be but I can't even say
I know it's fading fast, whatever you saw in me
But I'm still going to try to be the one who makes it happen

I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want to talk to women about videogames

I
Know
It's

Probably a bad idea
I've been doing it this way for years
Got nothing to show for my persistence but reject and deject
Shun

My friends say that I do it wrong
That I should know my role and play along
Just throw around the football and talk about sports
And Stuff

DON'T TALK ABOUT SPORTS AND STUFF (neverending story)

I can't help it
I just can't help it
No matter how hard I try it always turns out the same

I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want to talk to women about videogames

It's a bad idea
I can't help it
(Refrain)

I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want to talk to women about videogames
Track Name: Jonny Can't Stop: TtWaV Moral Dilemma- Jesse Hopkins (Mount and Blade, Gratuitous Space Battles)
PRIEST:
I can't help it
I just wanna talk to women about videogames
(Cough) We're gathered here today...

OVER/UNDERLORD:
THIS IS NOT YOUR FATHER'S REMIX

KARAOKE MAN:
Jonny can't stop thinkin' 'bout videogames
Jonny can't stop thinkin' 'bout muscles of Ving Rhames
No! He can't stop thinkin about them muscles of Ving Rhames
Pow!

JESSE:
Break it down

OVER/UNDERLORD:
27 Points

JESSE:
Jon, do you think the girls are impressed by that?

OVER/UNDERLORD:
37 Points

RYAN:
That's how ya get the girls

OVER/UNDERLORD:
57 Points

ROBOTO:
High score

KARAOKE MAN:
He's fuckin all the girls in the land

MALE CHORUS:
FUCK!

KARAOKE MAN:
He's porkin all the girls in the land

MALE CHORUS:
PORK!

KARAOKE MAN:
He's fuckin all the girls in the land, 'cause he got the high score
He's porkin all the girls in the land

MALE CHORUS:
PORK!

KARAOKE MAN:
He's milkin all the girls in the land, 'cause he got the high score

MALE CHORUS:
PORK! (echo)

ASSHEAD:
Jon Holmes, holder of the second highest score in Super Punchout

MALE CHORUS:
PORK! (echo)

ASSHEAD:
Number one? Asshead

GENTLEMAN:
I try to remain faithful to my wif' wif' to my wife
But I can't, Oh no I can't, because I regret my vows
I go and make these videos and I pretend it's alright
But then I fuck, and then I fuck, and I keep it to myself

GENTLEMAN:
My momma's wet

MALE CHORUS:
WET!

MYSTERY MAN:
Videogames
Retro
Cool
Platformer
NES
SNES
MOD IT! (refrain)

MYSTERY ROBOTO:
Polygon
Eighties
Mode 7
Talking Dog
Crazy Graphics

JESSE:
Videogaaames (refrain)

CEO (VOICEOVER):
Where's the BEAT?

COMPOSER (VOICE OVER):
Actually I wanted to have this without a beat
You know, like the older videogames
Most of them didn't have a beat
You know, Rockman [and others] being excluded
But a beat wasn't "necessary"

CEO:
Well a beat's necessary NOW if you're making a RETRO game!
Ya gotta have a.. BEEAT!

JESSE:
That's a common fallacy when people are trying to emulate the older...
(Segue)

RAPPER:
THIS AIN'T YO' GRAMPA'S VIDEOGAME!
THIS AIN'T YO' GRAMPA'S VIDEOGAME!

JESSE:
Videogaaames (refrain)

CEO:
That's what the kids are listenin' to:
Mario music!

BEER COMMERCIAL SINGER:
Ya gotta ROCK the beat (refrain)

CEO:
Ya can't just dust somethin' off the shelves without sprucin' it up a little bit
Come on, spruce it up a little bit
Ya don't just want some old ragtimey thing, unt-uh
Ya gotta make it cool
Here we go
Oh, here's a remake... here's a remake/remix comin' on


RAPPER:
I gotta go get my videogame news
It's like booze
If I don't get my videogame news I'm like nothin'
I gotta know everything

Go down to the local Gamestop and get yourself your fix
Go down to the local Gamespot and get yourself some tick'[et]s to the movies
I mean, not the movies
Movies are overrated my friend
Old videogames are where it's NOT at any more
New videogames are where we're all at, together, as one
Ooh, it's a social experiment
I'm feelin' a little bit of an irritant
I want out with the old
Out with the old (7 times)

ROCKER:
Jonny Holmes is back in the states
Carnal rectums oozing delights

MALE CHORUS:
Never gonna get it 'til ya get his point of view

ROCKER:
My momma said I should never go out with Jonathan because he's a bad boy
Yes, he is, alright [or siree]

MALE CHORUS:
Aaaaaaahh
Tro-lo-lolo-lo-lo
Lolololololololo-lo-lo-lo! (refrain)

CROONER:
He fucked the girls
He fucked every one
He porked the girls
He had so much fun
He fucked the girls
He milked the girls
Squeeze, squeeze, squeeze, squeeze
He filled up the buckets

MALE CHORUS:
Gonna stay up late, we're gonna have a good day (refrain)

CROONER:
He's got so much milk
He doesn't know what to do
Hehe, do ya wan't some?
He fucked the girls

MALE CHORUS:
Hefty hefty!
Feelin' the music!

CROONER:
He PORKED 'em all
Everyone on his show
I'm tellin' ya the... not truth
He's like James [John] Wilkes Booth.. of PORKIN!

MALE CHORUS:
Gonna stay up late, we're gonna have a good day
Tro-lo-lolo-lo-lo
Lolololololololo-lo-lo-lo! (refrain)

[repeat and fade]
Track Name: Haters Gonna Hate
Haters Gonna Hate

Everybody lookin' at me, staring
Feeling all this hate inside

I don't even care about it, I just keep-ah
Walkin' with my feminine stride

Haters Gonna Hate
Track Name: A Videogame About Talking to Women-Jonathan Holmes and Jesse Hopkins
I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want a videogame about talking to women

First thing you do, is press start
Then your presented with a series of
Conversational charts

Of different things, that you can say
To ask beautiful women all about their day

And I know that you probably think it sounds dumb
But I promise it's really, really
NOT... DUMB

And I know that you think you should go out and have fun
Dance around with a girl (Jesus Christ)
That would be
NOT... FUN

I can't help it
I just can't help it
There is nothing wrong with mixing love with pretend

I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want a videogame about talking to women

The thing you don't get is, no relationship is real
There is no way to every really know how someone
else feels
And they don't know you either, it's just a big sham
To trick you into believing in love and then BAM

You've put your thing in her thing, and a baby comes out
Just more people in your life to fill you with doubt,
A family of fakers, pretending to know love
Trapped in their skulls, while they push and they
shove

Trying to get out, trying to connect
But it'll never happen, they should just forget it
And submit to the wonder of a virtual relationship
One unencumbered by the failings of the five sense and the human's inability to communicate it's true selves through psychic or other supernatural means

A conversation with a virtual person has no potential for misunderstanding because the input if digital and it therefore 100% direct with no potential for miscommunication

My love for my videogame girlfriend is more real than anything because it's simple and honest and clear

I can't help it
Track Name: Talking to Jonathan Holmes about Videogames- Carnivorous Forrest
I know who I want you to be
Jonathan Holmes, please talk to me
I'm not a woman, but we are the same
Talking to Jonathan Holmes about videogames

The Legend of Zelda
Super Mario World
Weaponlord
Skull Girls
Katamari Damacy
Baldur's Gate
Landstalker
Resonance of Fate

Phantasy Star IV
Diablo III
Shining Force II
VVVVVVV
Super Meat Boy
Cave Story
D&D: Tower of Doom
Bubsy

I can't help it, Jonathan Holmes
Let's talk about games on the phone
Just can't help it, Jonathan Holmes
Can't we have just a few minutes alone?

Quackshot
Doom
Wonderboy in Monster World
Loom
Mega Man X
Lunar: Eternal Blue
Final Fantasy VI
Bad Dudes

Etrian Odyssey
Ys
Sonic R
Corpse Party
Super Metroid
Mickey Mania
Zillion
Castlevania

I can't help it, Jonathan Holmes
Let's sit down and talk about all these games
Just can't help it, Jonathan Holmes
Talking to Jonathan Holmes about videogames

Games
Games
Games
Games
Games
Games
Videogames

Holmes
Holmes
Holmes
Holmes
Holmes
Holmes
Jonathan Holmes

It's a good idea
It's a great idea
It's a good idea
It's a great idea

Talking to Jonathan Holmes about videogames

...Videogames
Track Name: Talking to Women about Videogames (full length unplugged mix)
I know who you want to
I know who you want me to be but I can't even say
I know it's fading fast, whatever you saw in me
But I'm still going to try to be the one who makes it happen

I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want to talk to women about videogames

I
Know
It's

Probably a bad idea
I've been doing it this way for years
Got nothing to show for my persistence but reject and deject
Shun

My friends say that I do it wrong
That I should know my role and play along
Just throw around the football and talk about sports
And Stuff

DON'T TALK ABOUT SPORTS AND STUFF (neverending story)

I can't help it
I just can't help it
No matter how hard I try it always turns out the same

I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want to talk to women about videogames

It's a bad idea
I can't help it
(Refrain)

I can't help it
I just can't help it
I just want to talk to women about videogame
Track Name: A Bachelor's Life
Bought unsalted nuts the other day,
Turns out they were salted

What a salty mistake, the best kind of mistake

Got a sealed bag of turkey, bit into the seal
To get the turkey out, didn't want to look for scissors

Took ten minutes of gnawing on the bag to get it out
Could have found the scissors in two

But I wanted to chew
Track Name: How do you mend a broken heart?
E Emaj7
I can think of younger days, when living for my life was
F#m E
everything a man could want to do.
G#7 C#m F#7
I could never see tomorrow, but I was never told
B7
about the sorrow.

Chorus:


Emaj7 F#m
And,

how can you mend a broken heart, how can you
stop the rain from falling down.

A B7 A B7
How can you stop, the sun from shining,
F#m B7 E
What makes the world go round.
Emaj7 F#m
How can you mend this broken man, How can a loser ever win.
A B7 A B7 F#m B7
Please

help me mend my broken , and let me live
E Emaj7 E
again,

Verse 2:


E Emaj7
I can still feel the breeze, that rustles through the trees.
F#m E
and misty memories of day's gone by.
G#7 C#m F#7
We could never see tomorrow, no one said a word
B7
about the sorrow.